


Emotional Suppression Sucks

by Harmonious113



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Mentions of Suicide, dealing with death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 11:25:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harmonious113/pseuds/Harmonious113
Summary: A look at how Zach could have felt when he hears the news of Hannah's death.





	Emotional Suppression Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first work on here so let me know if there are any formatting issues. All I think you need to know is italics are used for flashbacks.

He’s at Bryce’s when he finds out. They’re talking and joking around when multiple ringtone start going off around the room. Instantly they all freeze before reaching for their phones calling out bets.

“5 bucks it’s a naked chick!”

“Nah, it’s probably coach texting us about practice tomorrow.”

“Dude, think positive. Think naked girl.”

Laughing, Zach unlocks his screen and reads.

Hannah Baker killed herself.

There’s also a link to a local news article.

The quiet lasts for a minute before everyone reacts.

“Shit man.”

“Holy Fuck!”

“No way, it’s fake.”

“There’s a fucking article dumbass.”

Zach’s not sure what’s going on. Not sure why everything feels hot right now Or why can hear everything around him but at the same time he can’t hear.

“Yo, Dempsey, you all right,” Scott calls out worried. He doesn’t say anything. Is he all right?

“Zach,” a quiet voice says near him. He looks up to see Justin reaching out for him. The instant Justin’s hand touches his shoulder he shoots up knocking the chair back and dropping his drink.

Somehow, he manages words. “I-I’m fine. I need some air,” he says quickly and storms out. The second he feels the chill of the night on his arm he exhales deeply. Has he been holding his breath this whole time? Leaning against the house he starts breathing heavily. In. Out. In. Out. Hannah. Dead. No, no, no, NO! Choking back a sob he grabs his phone from his pocket and starts dialing desperately.

“Hi! You’ve reached Hannah Baker. Leave a message at the beep.”

_“Who even makes voicemails anymore,” he asks smiling. They’re on her bed and she’s listening to her voicemails from the day before._

_“Those of us who have legitimate jobs and have to work for their money,” she answers swatting him on the shoulder._

_“Hey! I work hard. I have to work out 5 times a week to stay in shape and find time for the stupid summer reading. And I’m not even getting paid,” he protests, swatting her back._

_“Well I know how we can fulfill your daily workout routine,” Hannah says as she straddles his lap._

_“That was cheesy,” he teases making her laugh and he pulls her down towards him._

He’s shaking now but he keeps scrolling through his contacts looking for anyone who can tell him the truth. That this all a lie. But there’s no one. Hannah’s parents have never met him. Don’t even know of his existence. Why would they even think to call him? Still he keeps scrolling even though there’s no one. And it’s because Hannah doesn’t have any friends. Not even him. The thought propels his legs forward before he can even process how much the thought hurts.

He leaves the Walker’s home. He leaves his car. And he just runs. He can’t stop seeing her. Feeling her. Hearing her.

Hannah in the hallways. In his arms. In her bed. Eating ice cream. By the water. Sighing happily into his shoulder. Her hands brushing against his when they walk waiting for him to grasp hers completely. Talking about movie. Laughing. Her smile. The way her eyebrow arches calling him out on his bullshit before she says one word. Her hugs.

He’s at her house. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for. All the lights are off and there are no cars in the driveway. He hesitates, wanting to crawl through the window as he has done several times and into the room as familiar as his own. He wonders if it still looks the same. But there are neighbors milling about, knocking on each other’s doors, pointing at the Baker’s home no doubt gossiping about their neighbors. He takes off again running to his home and halfway through he trips.

_“Liberty High is lucky you decided against joining sports,” he teases extending his hand out to pull Hannah up. “How did you even trip? The grass is flat.”_

_Hannah glares at him arching her right eyebrow. “Over your stupid, clown sized feet,” she mutters reaching for his hand._

_“Really? Clown-sized? More like you tripped over yourself staring at my face,” he boasts starting to pull. Joking with her has always been easy. She never makes him feel dumb for his corny lines or childish behavior. Distracted be his thoughts he doesn’t feel Hannah jerk him forward and he lands on top of her. Hannah groans and he immediately moves not wanting to crush her. Not that she’s noticing considering she’s doubled over in laughter. “Real mature, what are you five,” he asks combing his fingers through his hair._

_“Were you distracted by my beautiful face,” she teases echoing his earlier statement. He sticks out his tongue. “And you cannot compare me to a five-year-old after our indecent behavior.”_

_“You are disgusting,” he says leaning over to rake his hands through her hair to remove the few leaves stuck in her hair._

_“And you’re about to kiss me so what does that say about you,” she asks her eyes fluttering down to stare at his lips._

_“That I have a disgusting and perverted girlfriend,” he says trying to keep the humors out of his voice, but he fails. Hannah stills her eyes surprised before she breaks into a smile._

_“Well I thought you enjoyed all the dirty and perverted things we did,” she questions her voice taking on a husky tone that sends shivers down his spine._

_“Y-your parents home,” he asks stumbling over his words._

_“Nope,” she responds looking at him directly in the eyes._

_“Let’s go,” he says as he shoots up pulling Hannah up with him and he tugs at her arm beckoning her to move faster. She laughs at his eagerness but matches his pace._

He’s home and he starts heading for the stairs when he hears his mom on the phone. “It’s just terrible. To lose a child that way. I-I just can’t imagine,” his mom says into the phone sadness and shock lacing her voice. Shoulders tensed he walks up the stairs quietly trying to avoid startling his family before locking himself in his room. He moves toward his bed and sits at the edge. He unlocks his phone and notices the multiple missed calls from his team and Alex, the multiple texts asking him where her went, the worried texts from his mom and several messages with the same forwarding message. Hannah Baker killed herself.

Hannah hasn’t called back yet. He tries again. Nothing. Again. No answer. He texts her. Messages her on Facebook. Sends a snap. He even fucking pokes her one Facebook. Who the fuck even pokes anymore? He waits and waits. But nothing ever comes. Eventually he falls asleep and wakes up and checks his phone again frantically. He falls asleep again and when he wakes up he can smell breakfast.

Walking sluggishly to the kitchen he overhears his mom interrogating his sister and he stops at the end of the stairs.

“Did he know her,” his mom asks worried.

“Of course, they went to school together. But I doubt they were close. She’s dated a few of his friends so they might have hung out together,” his sister answers.

“Who did she date?”

“Justin Foley and Marcus Cole. Nothing serious I think. Didn’t last long from what I’ve heard.”

He walks in rubbing his eyes faking tiredness. “Oh Zach! I didn’t hear you come in last night. And where’s your car,” his mom says sweetly but her eyes are looking him up and down betraying how worried she feels.

“Bryce’s, I needed some air last night and I decided to walk,” he explains. He should have taken his car, but his mom is too worried to focus on his irresponsible behavior.

“Were you okay? I heard about that girl. Did you know her,” she asks trying to be nonchalant. Zack nods looking down. “Was she in your circle of friends? Did you know her well?”

“I-“ he starts but the words die in his throat. I dated her. She’s one of the most amazing girls I’ve ever met. Beautiful. Funny. Smart. Witty. The first person I really felt like I could talk to. But he can’t say it. Because Hannah Baker is now that girl. The girl who committed suicide. “Not really, just shared a few classes together but just a classmate.” Just a classmate.

“Oh,” his mom says relieved. Just a classmate. Nothing that’ll really affect Zach. Something he can move on from. But she’ll probably still keep an eye on him. Hover a little more than usual. “Well it’s a sad story. We should send the Baker’s flowers later on when its not so new.”

Flowers. Fucking flowers. Flowers don’t fucking help. “Yeah, mom. I’m still tired so I’m just going to go back to my room. Lie down for a bit,” he says his eyes downcast and he turns away ignoring his mom’s offers to give him a ride later to pick up his car. When he reaches his bedroom, he shuts the door quietly and leans his forehead against the door. He turns, glances at his bed wishing he could accept the comfort it would provide. But his mom will hear. He heads for his adjoining bathroom and runs the shower. Looking in the mirror he can see his eyes are completely dry. Nothing in his face betrays the grief he feels. He removes his clothes and enters the shower. He doesn’t expect the burning water and he groans in pain reaching desperately for the knob. The water cools down and he lets out a sigh of relief before the sobs overtake him.

He cries for Hannah. For his dad. For himself.

Why didn’t he stay?

A week later his mom asks him if he thinks roses were appropriate. He gives his mom an extra fifty so she can order the bouquet of orchids instead. 

"My sweet boy," she says caressing his cheek before continuing, "always thinking of others."

He smiles at her but looks away. 

The flowers are still fucking stupid. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it! I genuinely love Zach as a character and I wish I could know his reaction. This may become part of a series centered around Zach dealing with Hannah's suicide.


End file.
